Thursday, September 22, 2011

Trump Loyal

           In life there are things we know which science eventually proves to be true.  Like a fever that begins with chills is confirmed with a thermometer, we are learning in these times of transformation that we can think with our hearts as much as our minds.

          Intuition is a force long regarded as a voice with value.  Often labeled as a woman's insight, even men have been told to ultimately trust their gut when making tough decisions. We know this truth to be self-evident, still we continually struggle to keep the deepest urges of our heart free of the bombardment of conscious rules of what to do or don't.  Without quantifiable substance, our passions are muted, devalued and eventually deemed irrational and often dissolve of their own inertia.

            It is regularly said that all actions are manifestations of either love or fear.  Events cascade and the direction of their flow is based in large part on the stronger influence in that particular moment.  Like all the colors in the universe being shades and combinations of just three, these two primary forces wield enormous power over how we operate in the world.  In each moment, we have the choice.  Motivated by one or the other, we take steps forward in life or choose to stand still, creating our realities in the process. What we imagine comes true.

            Love is usually seen as expansive.  We can feel it physically in our chest, a powerful pulse of heart, a deep breath from the belly, the urge to open our arms and embrace.  Life seems beautiful.
            Fear is contractive.  Our muscles tense.  Shoulders curl inwards to protect our hearts.  Our minds assess, evaluate and form plans of escape.
            Balance is lost to the rapid swings of the choices in certain moments. In an instant, we can leap from one to the other.  A word, a gesture, a look in the right or wrong direction sends us soaring or plummeting. Often unable to recognize the cue, instantaneous reactions based on past experience take precedence over clear choices.  We re-act without even knowing the triggers have once again been squeezed.
            Reflection teaches us to learn from our mistakes.  From a quieter place after the fact, we can contemplate what happened and glean the morsel of insight that caused us to stand or run.  Smiles of recognition punctuate the repeated oath to not be so fooled again.  Meditation is a place of peace where we find the balance, release the contractions and expand our hearts.  The flow of energy is renewed and redirected in a more positive direction.
            None of us wants to live in fear.  We long for love, search high and low for the evidence and race towards its rainbow in the eternal and unshakable belief there is a pot of gold underneath.
            The fear in our minds, the memories of disappointments and pain in our previous attempts, amplify the chatter that warns us to stay safe.  Thoughts clutch and restrain the initial burst of passion.  We can so easily hesitate or turn away.
            In a moment recently, I had the opportunity to make a difference and transform fearful energy into a wonderful memory.  Working so hard in the last years to have the tools of love readily available, my own heart still contracted in response and the embracing energy evaporated.
            For the rest of that afternoon and late into the sleepless night, my mind tossed and turned over the various approaches and results that could have been, might have been.  In many scenarios, I could see my life very changed by the consequences of that sudden seizure of fear that failed to embrace and celebrate, hesitating and then contemplating too many avenues of loss.
            Regret is terrifying.
            Finally at dawn, in the rejuvenating light of a new day, love returned to push away the fear.  There remained the trust that passion is real, that it is better to feel scared than not to feel at all.  With the sunrise, a vision appeared of a way to reach out again. 
      Forgiveness, both of ourselves and of others, is our finest trump.
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