Saturday, May 7, 2011

Ruminations on Sexuality part 1: In Your Pants

This week I have been a little crazy and I apologize publically to my friends and relations who have had to bear witness to my struggling mind and feeble restraint to expose what occupies my attention most right now.

If I were headed for a knee replacement, it would be easy to accept that a well-used limb has worn itself down and imagine myself running strong and straight several months from now on the bike path of life. The urgency to think about relationship and core values and getting to the very heart and soul of the matter might not be so strong.

Instead, the nature of my wound and its imminent fix or no-fix result compels me to see this as an opportunity to go as deeply as possible, using all tools available, to examine mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically what might be at the root of my chakra energy needing healing and release. Even subliminal and unconscious levels are gaining attention by alternative “therapies” that may seem to have no rational basis, but just feel intuitively right.

My groin seen as a physical manifestation of an emotional wound opens a very clear door. How can I not look inside and probe with loving intention?

So much is taboo on the subject. We veil it in terms of modesty and respect because it touches us so intimately, our vulnerability is “dangerously” exposed, yet sexuality is blatantly and subliminally present in most aspects of our lives. Every advertisement is urging us at that most basic place to buy, buy, buy, attempting to arouse our emotions over our rational and calculating selves.

Sexuality is considered a basic human need, vital to our happiness, yet so many of us blush and hide our desires, deny our human craving. We experience daily interactions flustered and awkward in our approaches and embraces because we are too shy and embarrassed to reveal ourselves and our true natures. The expanse of self-help books on store shelves demonstrates to me that behind closed doors there is an overwhelming fear of not being good enough.

Sexuality is a way to ignite and celebrate the fire within us. It is an urgency, passion, an irrepressible force that builds within us, making us feel powerful and nearly omnipotent The ecstasy is addictive. No sooner does the high subside, then we want to go there again. . It feels totally good and yet, I think, there are many who have fears that it might be bad to feel this good.

If we are able to feel beyond the sheer pleasure of it, we also know it is about fierce connections. By the very nature that the physical sensation is so intense, we easily connect with ourselves, aware of the increased breath and heart-rate, the magnificent throb and spectacular explosion of cellular fireworks. “No Brainer” is a literal description as we become one with our surging, pulsing flow of blood.

Since it feels better with another, to touch and be touched, the connection of souls, the expression of love is clearly evident and desirable, the ecstatic intimacy of sharing. In the accepted tradition of man/woman, husband/wife, procreation of the species, we are safe to practice sex, to do what moves us so primally. We start there and manage our feelings, exploring or repressing the attraction towards any deviation of that standard model which has been culturally approved as the work of God.

As we all know in our hearts and many struggle with our minds, sexuality, beyond the purpose of making babies, is an energy more than an act, creating a passion that connects us to the Universe, Godliness itself (which is why it is so threatening to some authorities and disciples). In that most powerful moment, we become One with all our partners, ourselves, the world around us, the moon, sun and stars.

All is right. All is wonderful. All is possible.

The exquisite moment of orgasm, I think we can all admit, is something so special we spend inordinate energy in the pursuit both conscious and unconscious of somehow sustaining its glory. It is unique and completely private in one sense and universal, as common and vital as blood in another. Of course, our very survival depends upon it.

In spite of all this beauty, more pain, suffering and even wars are a consequence of this urge for connection than any other cause. One could argue that the accumulation of wealth is directly related to our basic drive to be more attractive for a mate. Power, dominance, control, and fear can all be seen as attempts to overcome insecurities about being loved or not. For all of us, sexuality in healthy or twisted ways, is all about being loved.

No wonder, then as days rush toward a sharp knife being wielded to my most private of parts, I should question the nature of my wound and feel this is an opportunity to change or accept an important aspect of the way I consider myself and relate to the rest of the world. If I am too afraid to share this with whomever cares to listen, I might be too afraid to fully embrace the love that surrounds me daily and is perpetually available.

Please share with your friends


Colette said...

Or ... it could be just a clumsy accident with no significance other than the fact that clumsy accidents just happen. :)
Good luck with your surgery - whatever happens you will still be who you are.

Beth said...

Embracing Your sexuality no matter what has happened and is happening is so important and you are doing that! See yourself whole no matter what Kip--exitement at your coming surgery and all that it means to you.