Friday, December 4, 2009

World of Changes

Identifying the problems in my life is no problem. My faults and flaws are many and clearly evident. They seem fortunately mostly forgivable to those who know me well. Discovering solutions, antidotes and modifications to these proves much more difficult.

This blog, like journaling, has been an attempt to describe the process of self-discovery, an accounting of change. By seeking to use problems, hurdles and tribulations as opportunities instead of obstacles, a transformation for better (or worse) is chronicled.

That I choose to do this so publically has inspired a little derision, some ridicule (I imagine) and a lot of mystification from a few, but seems to intrigue and stimulate most others. Often acknowledged for being so bold, it may be foolishness on my part (another fault), and lead to regret, but the lesson continuously is reaffirmed that the more honest and open we are, the truer, stronger and more vital are the friendships we attract.

The movie "2012" apparently takes the Mayan prediction of the end of the world, leaving off the crucial phrase " we know it" and depicts a catastrophe laden blockbuster entertainment feature that makes a joke of the concept. Those who see the movie, curious about the hoopla around the date, come away misinformed and completely ignorant of the opportunity available to us.

Interestingly, more and more common folk are growing cognizant and speaking openly about their own processes as they relate to the idea of transformation with a capital "T". Code words are floated between strangers and, if receptive, connection can be immediate and deep, lasting lifetimes or just simply and beautifully in that moment.

Concepts once seen as "far out" in the Sixties have become as mainstream as the hippies who cut their hair, took regular jobs and raised families. So-called Red necks living next door seem no more immune. What once was the dawning has become the Age of Aquarius and as much as terrorism has replaced communism, there is a wealth of hopeful energy in neighborhoods all around the world.

What this means for me is that I have been on a long journey full of joys and tragedies to bring me to this ocuch where I lie today, contemplating the tubes in my belly. This accident was no accident, but an accumulation of experience--not a culmination, yet another skirmish between my rational confroming self and my sub-conscious, my soul which knows far more, is more patient and far more powerful than my problem-solving mind.

I lie here this month, considering the events leading to this: the wonderful moments of birth (mine and my children's), love and good fortune, often over-shadowed by the disasterous decisions that have lead to bankruptcy, divorce and emotional and physical impoverishment. I think about the fear that has caused me to withhold my love and fully appreciate the love of others, and grow determined to live more openly in that sunlight, like a flower leaning towards the brilliant nurturing rays.

This process fascinates me and I am not afraid to share it because every day I am being rewarded by the companionship of those who want to join in the chorus. Like a wave gathering strength and momentum, 2009 has been a surge of energy in retrograde, seemingly full of set-backs and disorientation to so many in their home, health and heart. My belief, which I keep hearing echoed in the songs, stories and conversations, is that we as individuals, communities and population are moving forward into a new realm of understanding and appreciation.

Dreams long dormant are re-awakening, Our thirst for connection is being quenched, our hunger for unconditional love aroused like the palate by the aroma of turkey, seasoning on a late Thanksgiving morning. For every terrorist bent on destruction, there are thousands embracing our humanity and forgiving us our frailties as we know we should forgive theirs.

In 1978, my intuition understood this primal power, drawing me in through fire and death to settle with a family on a mountainside in Oregon for ten years until my thinking mind's resistance provided my daring leap with a landing that embraced a more "normal" lifestyle. My sister has remained on that mountain and faithfully supported my journey without judgment, all the while encouraging me to stay alert to this energy of spirit and the new world that is possible at the end of the world as we know it.

From my couch today, I see there are several people closer to home who have recently crossed (or re-crossed) my path to help me with my trasnformation. One in particular has invited me to share openly the work we intend to do together, a story I relish to write down in the year ahead.

Please share with your friends


Anonymous said...

In a world that is often full of betrayal and lies, it is easy for the cynic to take over... so much so that when we're hit with honesty, we push it away or mock it. Despite it being the healthier option.

I have always admired your honesty, keep it up Kip :-)

David said...

Dear Kip,

I can identify deeply with your column and commend you for discussing your feelings openly. It seems I have been in a state of almost constant crisis for years. Sometimes things have been so bad I couldn't help but sit back and laugh. I recently published a novel, Shmooky (and other post-mid-life confessions). I was initially afraid that the book would subject me to personal and professional ridicule. I am now very happy that I did not hold back in expressing my deepest thoughts about love, friendship, depression, alcoholism and redemption. Good luck. David

Kip de Moll said...

Thanks, Carol, I appreciate your consistant stops at this site.

I appreciate your encouragement and would be interested to read your writing. It's wonderful to know there are other voices and hearts willing to share