Saturday, April 11, 2009

Soular Eclipse

A thrill of excitement is lodged in my chest right now. Not a lightening bolt that flashes brilliantly in an ecstatic moment and dies, an instant of daylight and a dizzying plunge back into darkness; this is deeper, more absorbing. Each breath seems charged like the air before the storm, a momentous gathering of energy, swirling in anticipation, building towards crescendo, a sustained blast, a prolonged shaking of the rafters. This is not at all scary or threatening, rather a delight of thunderous proportions sweeping me relentlessly towards some horizon as yet unclear, but sweet with anticipation.

I am reminded of standing at the edge of the Earth, the Oregon Coast, during a total solar eclipse that swept toward us across the ocean, devouring the early dawn back into darkness, the waves settling, birds quieting, and ecstasy rising to feel so physically attuned to the greater Universe beyond our tiny lives. That time the sliver of brilliant daylight on the horizon expanded rapidly with profound determination, unbeatable, coming towards me to re-consume the darkness, returning life to normality, but somehow deeply transformed.

Having let go of fear, relinquished my desperate grip on a lifestyle that was clearly not working no matter how hard I tried, my intuition has taken over, leading me forward out of the darkness like some bounding puppy dog, tail eagerly wagging in complete faith, trust and willingness to adventure wherever I am led. As reward, events unfold and opportunities present themselves with amazing rapidity, wrapped in such pretty packages, I pause to cherish the gift before knowing what surprises await inside.

Embracing the concept of abundance—not the theory, but indeed drinking the lifeblood of it—my heart warms with the positive energy. Movement supplants stagnation and rich colors grow out of a landscape formerly baron. At first, shifting nothing but attitude, a whole-hearted feeling of well-being envelopes me, generating more wonderful energy. The law of attraction becomes personified.

Plenty of tough moments lie ahead, old scores threaten to plague my emotional fortune with mosquito bites of irritation that could fester. I still have little money and creditors ring my phone daily. Past mistakes litter the terrain, but remain unanswered. Given my depletion of resources, I let them be.

I will pay them when I can. More and more I believe this affluence of heart will ultimately pay off all my debts, financial and emotional, and clean-up the ugly residue of bankruptcy. For now, unable to respond, I try not to let the facts of my past mistakes ruin this perfectly good day.

Now I focus on no repetition of those same or similar mistakes. I am not creating more debt, but living as modestly as my circumstances require, paying cash as I go, or paying not at all by not doing. In the past, insatiably driven to please, I have taken us on vacations I could not afford, out to dinner on nights I crossed my fingers under the table in hope the credit card was not declined, bought rings to replace rings with money that should have gone to buy lumber. There was a desperation to enjoy the fruits before the flowers had worked their magic. Patience is now producing its own rewards and I am content just to notice the first new buds of spring.

I do not need new clothes, though I finally bought a pair of shoes last week when I had dollars enough for that. My wardrobe is well-worn, but not shabby. I am not going to the opera, so jeans and a nice shirt do just fine (and this is Vermont after all—we have opera and people wear jeans).

My car requires no payments and repairs now take precedence over dinners out. I pass on the shows I might like to see, enjoying music that is live enough in the clubs where I am also on the bill. Rich with activities to occupy my heart and mind, I am happy to stay home or relish the sunshine of a long walk.

My guitar is truly company enough and I am blessed beyond measure to have friends who keep an even better accompaniment. Joy is contagious and so I meet more and more who want to celebrate and appreciate life.

The more I offer to share my music, the more it seems welcome. Though I am flattered immensely, I truly do not care about the accolades as I just love the sound which seems to resonate and create smiles. Truly a pleasure to share.

Words flow outwards, the thoughts dance with energy unbounded. Ideas leap to mind and this pen races to keep up. This night, I sat down with a book to read, but began to scribble and more pages become filled. Taking stock today, I have over 50,000 words written in these fifteen months, halfway to a complete book and accelerating. Encouragement keeps me accountable and compels me to continue.

Carpentry work is available to pay bills, but each morning with the best of intentions of only sitting while I finish breakfast, hours pass at the computer writing and researching, projecting ideas on to paper without judgment or expectation, just love of the process, spitting and spewing relentlessly, almost without pause. By the time I look up, it is too late to take out a hammer and saw.

Outside of me, there seems a shift generally. Stories abound of people who have lost their jobs, and instead of misery, find themselves actually relieved of a burden and decide to turn their attention to something more loved. The conversation is everywhere.

Mine by far is not the only case of transformation. We each have our own stories, our own little miracles that add wealth to the vibrancy of our humanity. Collectively, this adds up to a new attitude out of global necessity of diminishing boundaries and resources, and an inner hunger for spiritual union on a small planet as we continually learn just how tiny, adrift (and probably not alone) we are in a staggeringly immense universe.

Please share with your friends


Laurie said...

Kip, the brilliance of the light you are shinning is reaching me so many miles away. I am basking in your passion and it feels so good. I truly believe there are miracles for all of us (I told you of mine) if we just stop and notice, then thank the One preforming them.

You are transforming Kip. You bring joy to others (especially me). Thank you for that!

Hayden Tompkins said...

I LOVE LOVE LOVE that side picture of you.