A few days ago, I did
the marketing must of a good business and sent out a newsletter to my email
list. Although there is little income
for my efforts at this point, it was remarkable to notice how busy I am, how
many pies have been created for my fingers to nibble.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Milestones in Tiny Steps
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Houses of Glass
On Tuesday evening, my life will be the focus of a two hour discussion on the internet. While there are nooks and crannies too personal or involving others that will not be voiced, most everything about my inner heart and soul is on the table.
The subject of this conversation ostensibly is about joy, the pursuit of happiness and love conquering all. I am fascinated by the dynamic between dreams and expectations, looking at the way I have lived my own life in alignment with or deviation from the passion of my heart and am moved to share my story as one humble example in the way of the world.
The real matter of interest to me, however, is the deeper topic of truth and honesty and the suspicion that glossing over certain details blocks energy that holds us back from the dreams that drive us forward. Some people are more comfortable with their dirt under beautiful carpets, but I find the joy rings falsely without acknowledgment of the effort it takes daily to sweep a life clean.
Given my external state of affairs, and the trail of hurt bodies and flimsy finances in my wake, my burning desire is to understand how such a strong intention of love could create so much pain and frustration. More importantly, I am petrified that not facing the reality condemns me to awful repetitions.
As a bonus, the more I wrestle with my own emotions—both appropriate and unseemly—and expose them to the judgment of others, the more hearts open in response and share themselves with me. In many blessed and beautiful relationships, we are both the better for the exposure.
This attitude, which may be fine for me, is clearly not acceptable to everyone. The consequences of being too honest sometimes can shatter the appropriate boundaries as easily as a dog bone launched from a lawn-mower once broke the twelve foot span of glass in our home. Simply confessing, “I meant no harm,” may aide the healing of an emotional scar, but does not get the glass back into the opening any more quickly. When two separate lives are inter-mixed, the danger increases fourfold. Damage can easily be done that cannot always be repaired.
The actual details of my individual and very personal circumstances are much less relevant to this story than is the more universal characterization of one man’s journey across very slippery slopes that so many of us in our own stories might have to navigate. Beyond a little voyeuristic entertainment, what is valuable to you, I hope, would be your own particular path, the similarities or differences more than any particular left or right turn I might have taken or person with whom I might have danced along the way.
As an individual, how I personally have been affected by my interactions with others who contracted to be a part of my life is what interests me here. Each step together changes the direction and moderates the tempo of how I dance and all the dances together add up to one beautifully sweet and sometimes bitter song.
No matter the impact, however, having once danced together, I will forever tread lightly for fear of stepping clumsily. I trust that others in my life will understand that in telling my own tall tales, I usually consider my words carefully, having no cause or willingness to crush your tender toes or throw stones into your own very private and precious home.
And to whom it may concern, when the glass feels broken anyway, I extend my sincerest wish that we may embrace the misunderstanding as an avenue of truth that leads to healing, no matter how careless I at first may seem. Where I have truly been awkward, I am now better able to own it and say simply, "I am sorry." without attempting to justify my clean carpet with the excuse underneath that I meant no harm.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
The Call to Arms Embracing
My version of facebook
tonight is loaded with clips and quotes about the movement to occupy Wall
Street and its spread to other cities around the country. "Something's happening here, and what it
is..." is very exciting.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Letting the Sunshine In
One of my biggest fears, I admit, is spending the working part
of my life in a 9 to 5 cubicle, a rote sort of drudgery that might grind the
joy in my soul to dust. Of course, this
is obscenely unfair, a phobia generated out of early television shows,
ignorance and my own well-nourished determination.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Help From Friends
Energy builds and relaxes by the hour, sometimes by
the minute. As we awaken to more
conscious living, our heads swim with the pulls and tugs between new
perspective and old habits.